You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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