so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
