Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
