it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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