Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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