I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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