Having a random hookup so left but love u
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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