Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
