Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
MIDGETS
????
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
