Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
