Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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