Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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