More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize