please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
