A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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