I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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