Betty ford says i'm here all night
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
