Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
