i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i think i have two assholes
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
