youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
