I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
