The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
