garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
two words...techno handjob
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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