margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
