Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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