Im at strip club and am horny
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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