im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
