she looked like the before picture.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
