I puked a lego.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
