I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
