I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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