fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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