She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize