I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize