So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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