He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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