My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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