You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize