I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize