I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize