I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
be right there i have to get my cape
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
