You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize