your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
