Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
