Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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