Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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