So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
