Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
