i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
