I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
