Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
