i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
