so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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