I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
