Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
