You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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