WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
