i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
