I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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