Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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