What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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