If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
