Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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