I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
