Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
