I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
