I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I am one with the molecules
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
