just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
