Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
